Five Pilots and a Baby
by Faye My Funny Valentine
Summary: The whole weird series compiled into one big fic for easier reading. (Re-upped)


Here's a lovely little humor ficcy! =^_^= It's YAOI of course... hell, that's to be expected from me, ne? Heehee, let's see here... warnings... yaoi and just sillyness. I was inspired by an old Tenchi OAV episode to do this, plus it was a challenge from my brother. For you, Nii-san. =) Heehee, enjoyyy!  
  
  
"5 Pilots and a Baby"  
by Shinigami Baby  
  
  
SUNDAY  
  
Trowa woke up and stretched luxuriously in the sinfully large bed. He glanced over at the alarm clock, which read 10:43 AM. 'Looks like Quatre let me sleep a little late today.' he thought. Ah, how he loved Sundays. He sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed and toed his fuzzy lion slippers on. He walked over to the door and threw his dark green robe over himself, not bothering to tie it, then headed downstairs to get some food.  
  
Duo was at the stove making... something. Trowa watched Heero cringe and Wufei hide behind his newspaper. Looks like Duo wanted to do something extra nice for his koibitos this morning. 'Poor guys...' Trowa thought. Duo scratched the side of his head with the end of the spatula.   
  
"Anou... Hee-chan?"  
  
"Nani?" Heero asked, slightly agitated.  
  
"What did you want again?" Duo asked sweetly.  
  
"Scrambled eggs, black coffee and two pieces of dry toast... haven't you made it yet?" He asked.  
  
"Well, I'm still kinda making my stuff..." Duo said quietly, playing with the string on his pink apron with the huge fucking carrot on it. Somewhere, Sasami was looking for her apron.  
  
"You're stuff!? It's been an hour, and you mean to tell us that you haven't cooked for anyone but yourself yet!? How much can you possibly eat?!" Wufei scolded.  
  
"Well I don't want my empty stomach to effect my PERFORMANCE!" Duo snapped. Both Wufei and Heero shut up.  
  
Quatre walked into the kitchen. "Am I interrupting something here?" He asked.  
  
Duo, Heero and Wufei shot Quatre a Deathglare and shouted "NO!"  
  
Quatre took a step back and bumped smack into Trowa. "I see you're finally awake, koi." Quatre teased, rubbing himself against Trowa. Trowa just wrapped his arms around Quatre and nuzzled behind his ear.  
  
"Aww!" Duo commented. "See those two!?" He asked Heero and Wufei, aiming the spatula at the very snuggly Trowa and Quatre. "It wouldn't KILL you two to learn a few things by watching how they act toward eachother. See how Quatre never grabs Trowa by his bang and says 'follow me'?! THAT'S romance!"  
  
Quatre blushed because Duo was quite wrong. He'd done exactly that more than a few times to his tall lover. But since Duo was trying to make a point, he kept his mouth shut.  
  
"It would be nice to have some sappiness for a change rather than wild rampant sex... not that I mind the wild rampant sex... oh never mind." Duo turned around and continued to cook. Heero and Wufei looked at Duo, then at Trowa and Quatre, then at eachother. They shrugged, grunted, then Wufei went back to his paper and Heero went back to typing away. Duo sighed. It was a a lost cause.  
  
The doorbell rang.  
  
Quatre removed himself from Trowa's loving arms to get the door. Standing there was Zechs and Noin. "Ohayou, you two." Quatre said cheerily. "What's up?"  
  
Noin looked down at the baby cradled in her arms. "Well... Zechs and I were sort of wondering if you guys could watch little Treize while we go away for a few days." (Noin's a poet now?)  
  
Quatre thought about it for a moment. "Well Noin, I would but-"  
  
"Great!" Zechs said happily. He threw the baby bags into the living room and Noin quickly handed Quatre the baby. Before Quatre could protest, Zechs and Noin were long gone, leaving a smoke cloud that spelled "scram!" in their wake. Quatre looked down at the baby and sighed painfully as it pulled on his face.  
  
One hour later...   
  
"I don't know how to take care of a friggin' baby!" Trowa shouted.  
  
"Oh, you think I do?!" Quatre shot back.  
  
Heero, Duo and Wufei watched their exchange quietly. Their heads darted to either Quatre or to Trowa, depending on who was talking at the moment.  
  
"So Duo wants us to be like that for him?" Wufei asked, unsure.  
  
Heero shrugged. "I guess."  
  
Duo rolled his eyes. They just never got it, did they?  
  
  
Eek, I know it's short, but just bear with me okay? Part 2's coming as soon as I can think of some funny things. Oh yeah, so what do you guys think of that 1x2x5 threesome thing? It's different, ne? I didn't know who I wanted to pair Duo with, so I picked the both of them =^_^=, better than pairing poor Wu-chan with Treize, ne?   
  
Chibi-Wufei: "Onna! Stop calling me 'Wu-chan'!"  
  
Shinigami Baby: "And I told YOU to stop calling me 'onna'! I won't stop until you do... WU-CHAN!"  
  
Chibi-Wufei: *sniffle* "You're mean..."  
  
Shinigami Baby: "Aww!" *squeezes Chibi-Wufei tight so his kawaii little eyes bug out* Heehee! Jaaaa!  
  
Woo-hoo! =^_^= Part one was kinda short... count on this one being short too. Warnings: YAOI, 3x4, 1x2x5 (yes, a threesome), profanity, and... I think that's it. Here it is, minna! Enjoyyy!  
  
"Five Pilots And A Baby" Part 2  
by Shinigami Baby  
  
  
"Trowa... just calm down." Quatre said.  
  
"I AM calm!" Trowa pouted.  
  
Quatre blinked, then raised an eyebrow. "You don't like babies, do you?"  
  
"...It's not that I don't like them. I've just never really been around a baby before."  
  
"Really?! Oh my poor Tro-chan!" Quatre said sadly. He sat on the couch, still holding little Treize. "Come sit over here with me, koi."  
  
Trowa nodded and did as Quatre asked.  
  
"I may not know a whole lot about babies, but I at least know how to hold one. I've held enough of my sisters' babies to know how to do it. Now cradle your arms..." Quatre instructed.  
  
Trowa did exactly that.  
  
"Good, now slightly tilt one of your arms up so you can support his head... there, you've got it." Quatre smiled as he placed little Treize in Trowa's arms. "See? Not so hard."  
  
Trowa's normally stoic face softened a bit. "He's so tiny..."  
  
In the doorway, Heero, Duo, and Wufei were spying. Duo popped his head out around the corner.  
  
"Ooh! I just LOVE babies!" Duo gushed.  
  
Wufei's head popped out from under Duo's. "Babies are WEAK!" He proclaimed.  
  
Heero's head popped out underneath Wufei's. He was at the very bottom of this totem-pole, and was noticably squished. He offered his 2 cents anyway with a short "Hn."  
  
Duo looked down at Heero, his braid dangling in front of Wufei's face. "Aww Hee-chan, you need to articulate more than *that*."  
  
Wufei shooed the braid out of his face. "Maxwell, your idiotic braid is tickling my nose!"  
  
"Aww, c'mon, Wu-baby. You like my braid!" Duo said teasingly.  
  
"It's going to make me-A....A....A-ACHOOOOO!" Wufei sneezed, collapsing under Duo.   
  
The two crushed poor Heero, who was stuck at the bottom. His eyes were making little Kenshin-esque spirals. "Itaiiii..." Heero said.  
  
Wufei looked at Duo, and the two shrugged. "At least it wasn't 'Hn.'" Wufei said. Duo nodded. They remained sitting on their crushed lover. Heero choked out "Omae o Korosu" before passing out. Duo and Wufei sweatdropped, then dragged their "Hee-chan" up to their room.  
  
Trowa and Quatre watched in mild amusement until little Treize fussed a bit and started to cry. Quatre looked up at Trowa with a worried face.  
  
"Why is he crying, koi?" Quatre asked nervously.  
  
Trowa shrugged.   
  
Duo popped his head around the corner from the stairs and fell. Trowa and Quatre turned and saw Duo on the floor.  
  
"Uh, are you ok, Duo?" Quatre asked.  
  
Duo got up quickly and threw his braid over his shoulder. "Never better! I just thought I heard the baby crying."  
  
Trowa nodded. "We don't know what's wrong with him."  
  
Duo held his arms out. "Well, lemme see him."  
  
Quatre shot Duo a scared look. Duo smirked. "I KNOW how to hold a baby, Q. chill out."  
  
Quatre breathed a sigh of relief as Trowa passed the baby to Duo. Duo held the baby high over his head and made all kinds of goofy noises.  
  
"Oogy woogy woo woo!" Duo said as he rubbed noses with little Treize. He had miraculously stopped crying. Trowa and Quatre looked at Duo, then at eachother, then shrugged. Duo smiled. "I love babies. There were a few at Maxwell Church and I used to help Sister Helen take care of them." He sat down on the couch and bounced the baby on his knee. "He sure is ugly though. Must get it from Zechs, ne?"  
  
Quatre snickered. Trowa elbowed him. "That wasn't very nice, Duo."  
  
"I was only kidding... Zechs is hot." He winked at Trowa and Quatre. "But Heero and Wufei don't know I said that. Riiiight?"  
  
The couple nodded.  
  
"Good! Now... what do we have in these baby bags to feed-"  
  
"WUFEIIIII!" Heero shouted from their bedroom.  
  
Duo stood up quickly, still holding the baby. "Those bastards! They started without me!" He threw little Treize in the air and ran up to his bedroom.   
  
Quatre shrieked and caught the baby just before it hit the floor. "Geez, for someone with experience with babies, you'd figure he wouldn't do stuff like that!" He said, sitting back on the couch with Trowa.  
  
"Well, with Duo, you don't know what to expect."  
  
Quatre shrugged. "True..."  
  
Half an hour later...  
  
Little Treize had fallen asleep while Quatre was holding him. He and Trowa were still seated on the couch talking quietly when Wufei stumbled down the stairs with one of those "I-Just-Got-Laid" faces on. As he rested comfortably at the bottom of the stairs, Heero fell on top of him with the same expression on his face. At the top of the stairs was Duo, all smiles.  
  
"Hah! Now they'll NEVER start without me!" Duo said happily as he slid down the banister and helped Heero off of Wufei. He walked over to Trowa and Quatre on the couch. "How's the ba- AWW! He's sleeping! How cuuuuuute!"  
  
Well... the baby wasn't asleep anymore. Not with Duo yelling in his face like that. He woke up crying and kicking. Poor Quatre's eye twitched and Trowa just sweatdropped.  
  
"Duo..." Quatre started, sounding none-too sane.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
Quatre shoved the baby outward at Duo. "YOU woke him up... YOU take care of him."  
  
Duo grabbed the baby and shrugged. "K!" He began throwing Treize in the air and catching him.  
  
Trowa looked worried. "He shouldn't really do that, should he, Little One? I mean... the baby just ate before he went to sleep and-"  
  
Quatre smiled. "I know."  
  
Trowa smiled too. "Ohhh... I get it."  
  
Duo was still throwing the baby in the air and catching it. "Wheeeeeee, look at you!" He said as the baby giggled. He threw him up in the air again. Little Treize burped. Duo held him high over his face. "Oooh, well excuse you!" Duo said in one of those goofy voices that you use when you talk to babies and dogs. Little Treize burped again, then he puked all over Duo. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! The little shit threw up on me! I HATE babies!" Duo whined. He ran over to Quatre and held the baby out. "Here! You can have him back! I don't want him anymore!"  
  
Quatre shook his head. "No way. Trowa and I are going to bed."  
  
Trowa smirked. "Have fun, Duo."  
  
Duo whimpered. "You guys SUCK!" And with that, he ran into the kitchen where Heero and Wufei were.  
  
Heero looked up from his banana split [1]. "What is it, Duo?"  
  
Wufei eyed Duo. "Ewww, you have vomit all over you."  
  
Duo sniffled. "I know! Do you think you two could watch him while I take a shower?" His big violet eyes trembled. "Please?"  
  
Heero rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. Mission Accepted...."  
  
Duo clapped his hands. "Yay! I'd hug you, Hee-chan, but I have throw-up all over me. Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes, so be good!" He ran upstairs after that and jumped into the shower.  
  
Wufei looked at Heero from across the table. "Do you know how to take care of a baby?"  
  
Heero shook his head.  
  
"Me neither." Wufei said.   
  
They both eyed the baby suspiciously.  
  
"What do you suppose made him vomit like that?" Heero asked.  
  
"Maybe he's possesed?" Wufei suggested.  
  
Heero looked at the baby crawling around on the floor. "Intresting..."  
  
End part 2  
  
Oh my... Heero and Wufei left alone with a baby? Heehee, part 3's up next and things only get more insane!!! Heehee! Jaaaaaa! =^_^=  
  
1- When Heero was having a banana split, think of "There's Something About Mary". Magda said she always had a big banana split after sex. Just picture our Hee-chan with a huge banana split. It's almost laughable.  
  
This is where it gets weird(er), minna. =^.^= Oh my poor boys, what have I done to you!?  
  
Chibi-Trowa: "..."  
  
Well said, Trowa. This fic has YAOI (3x4, 1x2x5), swearing, and a demon-baby!!! EEEK! And now part 3! Enjoy! =~_^=  
  
  
Five Pilots And A Baby- part 3  
by ex-Excorcist, Shinigami Baby  
  
  
Heero looked down at his handi-work and grinned. Little Treize was tied down to the bed shared by Heero, Duo, and Wufei. Wufei looked down and shrugged.  
  
"Okay, now what?" He asked Heero.  
  
Heero rummaged through the closet. "Where does Duo keep that bible?"  
  
Wufei raised an eyebrow. "What do you need a bible for?"  
  
Heero stood up, bible in his hands. "We're going to excorcise this baby."  
  
"NANI!?"  
  
Heero nodded. "Only DEMON babies would puke like that one did, ne?"  
  
"I don't know, Hee-chan..."  
  
"Just trust me, Wu. I know what I'm doing." With that last statement, Heero walked over to the bed and rested his hand on the baby's forehead. "The power of Christ compels you!" He chanted. Wufei sweatdropped and looked on.  
  
Duo stepped out of the shower and saw Heero and Wufei with the baby tied down to the bed. "What the Hell are you two doing!?" He asked, hands on his hips.  
  
Heero looked up at Duo. "I'm ridding his body of the demon."  
  
Duo started to laugh. "Demon? All he did was throw up on me, Hee-chan! There's no de-"  
  
"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!" The baby shouted in a scary voice.  
  
"AAAIIIIEEEE!!!!" Heero, Duo, and Wufei screamed like little girls as they clung to eachother.  
  
"I hate it when I'm right!" Heero whined, burying his face in Wufei's shoulder.  
  
In the room across the hallway...  
  
Quatre sat up, breathing heavily. He was in a deep sleep until a few moments ago. He looked down at Trowa, who was sleeping peacefully with just a little speck of drool hanging from his mouth, and smiled.   
  
"Trowaaaa...." Quatre whispered, nudging him.  
  
Trowa stirred a bit and flung an arm over Quatre, pulling him down next to him. Trowa made a little purring noise. Quatre couldn't help but laugh. "Trowa, wake up..." He shook him a bit. Trowa rolled onto his side, not facing Quatre and threw a pillow over his head.  
  
"Rrrrr..."  
  
"Wake up, Trowa...." Quatre shook him again.  
  
"I'm awake, I'm awake..." Trowa said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes oh-so-cutely. He looked down at Quatre and laid back down, resting his head on Quatre's chest. "What is it?"  
  
Quatre ran his fingers through Trowa's hair. "I heard a scary noise..."  
  
"Scary noise?" Trowa yawned.  
  
"Mm-hmm." Quatre nodded. He looked at Trowa with big teary eyes and a pouty little mouth. "Will you go see if there's a monster?"  
  
Trowa rolled his eyes. "Quat-chan, I'm sure it's just your imagi-"  
  
"Pweeeeeaaase?" Quatre batted his eye lashes.  
  
Trowa got out of the bed. "Fine, fine... this is the last time I do this, you got that? From now on, you check for monsters on your OWN."  
  
Quatre smiled. "I love you."  
  
Trowa sighed as he headed for the door. "I'll be right back." As Trowa opened the door, Heero, Duo, and Wufei rushed into the room, trampling the Latin pilot. Trowa was now flat like a piece of paper on the floor. "Ow."  
  
Heero, Duo, and Wufei jumped into bed with Quatre, all clinging to some part of him. Heero and Wufei each had an arm. Duo had his arms wrapped around Quatre's waist with his face buried in Quatre's armpit.  
  
Quatre tried to break free. "What are you three doing!?"  
  
"There's a monster in our room! Can we sleep in your bed!?" Wufei asked between sobs.  
  
Trowa was now himself again. He stalked over to the bed and folded his arms across his chest. "What the Hell do you mean 'There's a monster'?"  
  
"Go see for yourself! I almost peed myself..." Duo said.  
  
Trowa shook his head. "Don't you three try anything with my Quat-chan while I'm gone."  
  
"We won't." The three chorused.  
  
"Three's a crowd anyway..." Wufei grumbled, eyeing Heero.  
  
"What was that?!" Heero asked.  
  
Duo sighed. "Will you two STOP!?"  
  
"I had Duo first!" Heero stuck his tongue out at Wufei.  
  
Wufei grabbed Heero's tongue. "Well, DUO was the one who came to ME about having a threesome! He said you were getting boring and he wanted to 'spice things up'."  
  
Heero looked at Duo. "Is that true?!"  
  
Duo laughed nervously. "Well I can only take boring sex after so long. You didn't even spank me..."  
  
Heero looked at Wufei. "You spanked him without me!?"  
  
Wufei shrugged. "I never spanked you, Duo."  
  
"Oh shit..." Duo whispered.  
  
"Who spanked you!?" Heero and Wufei demanded.  
  
Poor Quatre, meanwhile was stuck in the middle of all this. He sat there chibi-fied with those long streaky kinda tears that don't even run off your face (like they do sometimes in SailorMoon).  
  
Duo scratched the back of his head. "It's not important right now..."  
  
"Yes it is!" Heero and Wufei chimed.  
  
"Okay, okay! It was... It was..." Duo took a deep breath. "It was SALLY PO!"  
  
"Duo, you little whore!" Heero accused.  
  
"MY Sally!?" Wufei asked.  
  
Duo gasped. "What do you mean YOUR Sally?!"  
  
Quatre sighed. 'Please hurry back, Trowa... I can't take much more of this...' He thought.  
  
  
Trowa crept down the hallway to Heero, Duo, and Wufei's room. 'This is so stupid...' He peeked around the doorway and saw Little Treize floating over the bed. Trowa gasped. The baby's head turned 180 degrees and looked at Trowa with scary-ass red eyes. Trowa gulped, then ran back to his and Quatre's room. He ran into the large bedroom and bolted the door behind himself, locking all 12 locks AND slamming the log barricade down as well, then dove into Quatre's lap.  
  
"Told you there was a monster..." Quatre said, kissing Trowa's cheek.  
  
Trowa cuddled closer into Quatre's lap and sucked his thumb. "That was scary!" He whined.  
  
"You know what we have to do now, don't you?" Quatre asked.  
  
Trowa nodded. "Call the scary girls..."  
  
Heero rolled his eyes. "ANYthing but the girls! C'mon! Be kind! Not even a demon-child deserves that..."  
  
Wufei narrowed his eyes. "Would YOU like to take your chances with a demon-child? Or would you like the big, strong girls to do it?"  
  
Duo, Quatre, and Trowa all said "Big, strong girls."  
  
Heero sighed. "Majority rules, I guess."  
  
The four sat there in silence until Quatre cleared his throat. "So where are you three sleeping?"  
  
"In bed with you, baka!" Duo said.  
  
Trowa shook his head. "Ohh no! I do NOT think so."  
  
"Pllleeeeease?" Duo asked, batting his eyelashes.  
  
"Absolutely OUT of the question!" Trowa said, pushing Duo's arms off Quatre.  
  
"At least... be humane..." Wufei said with teary eyes.  
  
Trowa growled and ripped Wufei's arms off Quatre's arm. "No. And don't think quoting Neon Genesis Evangelion episodes will work either!"  
  
Trowa was an EVA addict. Let's face it... EVERYONE loves Kaworu and Kaji! *siiiiiiiigh*  
  
Heero grumbled and detatched himself from Quatre voluntarily to comfort his hurt koibitos. He had Wufei under one arm, and Duo under the other. "You didn't have to be so mean..." Heero pouted. "Besides, this bed is big enough for the five of us. Hell, it's almost as big as me, Duo, and Wufei's room. Just let us sleep on the bed. We won't try anything with your precious 'Quat-chan' either."  
  
"Well...." Trowa thought about it. "Okay. But the second he wakes up screaming, you three are out there with that demon-baby. Got that?"  
  
Heero, Duo, and Wufei nodded.  
  
"Good. Now let's go to sleep, hmm?" Trowa shut the lamp off and pulled Quatre over so they could snuggle. "If they try anything with you, just wake me up, okay?" He whispered in Quatre's ear.  
  
"Mm-hmm." Quatre replied and kissed Trowa. "Now go to sleep."  
  
"Oyasumi..." Trowa yawned, than added a sleepy "ai shiteru..."  
  
"Zutto." Quatre nuzzled behind Trowa's ear and closed his eyes......  
  
MONDAY  
  
Duo woke up first. He rubbed his eyes and pushed Wufei off of his stomach, then climbed off Heero's ass. He sat up and stretched out as he yawned. "Oi minna..."  
  
Wufei stirred, then fell off the bed. "Itaiii..."  
  
Heero rolled over and grabbed Quatre's ass. Quatre woke up instantly and shrieked, which made Trowa wake up as well. Everyone was awake now, heh heh *sweatdrop*  
  
"Heero! Why did you grab my ass!?" Quatre asked, obviously traumatized.  
  
Trowa grabbed Quatre and scooted him into his lap. "You grabbed MY Quat-chan's ass!? Heero, you bastard!"  
  
"I thought he was Wufei! They have the same kind of ass, little and bony!" Heero defended himself.  
  
"Are you saying I have a bony ass!?" Wufei asked, still on the floor.  
  
"YES!" Duo and Heero shouted.  
  
"Well at least my ass isn't FAT!" Wufei said, glaring at Duo.  
  
Duo's eyes teared up. "I... I'm fat!?" He began sobbing.  
  
"You aren't fat, your HUGE JENNIFER LOPEZ ASS IS!!" Heero shot back. "So quit your bitching, before I give you a REAL reason to cry."  
  
"He just called me fat! Isn't that reason enough!?" Duo asked, wiping his nose on Heero's tank top.  
  
"Is my ass really so bony that Heero would mistake it for Wufei's!?" Quatre asked Trowa.  
  
"Are you saying that you NOTICED that Wufei's ass is bony?" Trowa asked accusingly.  
  
"MY ASS ISN'T BONY! IT'S ALL MUSCLE!" Wufei screamed.  
  
Duo snorted. "Yeah, so's mine."  
  
"So you ADMIT to having a fat ass!" Heero said, pointing a finger in Duo's face.  
  
"You said I had a 'Jennifer Lopez ass', not a fat one!" Duo shot back.  
  
"What are you doing looking at Jennifer Lopez's ass, Heero!?" Wufei demanded. "Are you saying you need THREE lovers?"  
  
"Why not, you have three." Heero said.  
  
"Well what about Duo? He's the town bus. EVERYONE'S had a ride!" Wufei said.  
  
Trowa and Quatre raised their hands. "We haven't."  
  
"SHUT UP!" Heero, Duo, and Wufei shouted.  
  
Trowa and Quatre shrugged and hid under the blankets to do sexy fun things. *wink*  
  
  
END part 3  
  
@_@ Oh geez, what the hell is wrong with these guys!? Is sex ALL they think about???  
  
Duo: (popping up out of nowhere) Yes it is!  
  
*sweatdrop* Thought so. Part 4's coming... sometime heehee! =^_^= Jaaaa!  
  
~Shinigami Baby  
  
Here's part fouuuuur! =^_^= YAOI(3x4, 1x2x5) , pervertedness, and a demon child! And it's insanely silly, too ^.^;;  
  
Five Pilots and a Baby (part 4)  
by Miss "I always write stories with too many parts in them"... or as you know her: Shinigami Baby  
  
  
Trowa's hand reached out from under the blankets and grabbed the phone. He dialed Catherine's number at the circus.  
  
"Catherine Bloom here, what's shakin'?" Catherine said through the phone.  
  
"Cathy, it's me, Trowa."  
  
"Oi, little brother! What's up?"  
  
"Uhm... can you come down to Quatre's please?"  
  
"Whyyyyyy?"  
  
"Becau-ooooh, stop that, koi, I'm on the phone with my sister!"  
  
"Trowa! Are you having sex AGAIN while you're on the phone with me?!"  
  
"Not really. Quatre's just trying to-" Trowa was now laughing. "Aaah! Stop it!" There were a few slapping sounds.  
  
"God Trowa! Knock it off and just tell me why you want me to come down!"  
  
"There's-Aaaaaah knock it off, Quatre!!!- There's a demon and we- EEK!- we need you to get rid of it for us... bring the other mrrphhhmhhhmmmmmmphrrrrr...."  
  
Catherine sweatdropped. "Bring the other 'what'?"  
  
"................................ *huff puff* The other girls. It's an emergency!" Trowa quickly hung the phone up.  
  
Catherine looked at her phone, shrugged and hung it up. "My brother is insane...."  
  
Half an hour later...  
  
Hirde jogged up to the front door of Quatre's house. She dug into her pocket and read the adress. "Yep, this is the place." She reached her chubby fingers out and used the door knocker, then waited... and waited... aaaand waited...  
  
"Hirde? They called YOU, too?" A girl's voice shouted from not too far off.   
  
Hirde turned around and shrieked, then realized it was Dorothy. "Oh... hi Dorothy."  
  
Dorothy sweatdropped. "Why do people always scream when they see me?"  
  
"Well, if you really wanna know, it's because-"  
  
"Heeeeeeeeeey guuuuuuuuuys!" Relena screeched.  
  
The two girls cowered, then turned to face Relena, all waving slightly.  
  
"So, are we ready to go in now?" Dorothy asked.  
  
Relena shook her head. "Nope, we still need Catherine."  
  
A knife thwacked into the door, missing Hirde's head by mere centimeters.  
  
"I'm here." Catherine smiled and the three girls sweatdropped, then walked into the house.  
  
Dorothy looked around. "Doesn't look so scary to me..."  
  
"Yeah really..." Hirde agreed. "All I see is just regualr houseness."  
  
Catherine held an arm out, making the girls stop. "SHH! Did you guys hear that?"  
  
They all listened closely and their eyes widened in fear. As they were about to make a break for the door, Catherine threw a knife, pinning Dorothy's eyebrow to the wall.  
  
"We're staying here until we find out just what the hell's going on." She removed her knife from the wall, taking extra care not to come into direct contact with the offending eyebrow.  
  
Relena frowned. "I don't see why YOU get to be the leader. After all, I *am* Queen of the World..."  
  
Catherine shot her a Glare o' Death. "Well, I'm the oldest and I have all the knives. Anyone disapprove?" She waved a knife infront of her face to prove she wasn't kidding. The three girls gulped and shook their heads. Catherine smiled. "Good. Now let's go find this 'Demon-baby' that my nii-chan was ranting on and on about."  
  
The girls explored the house, then came across Heero, Duo, and Wufei's room. There was little Treize. He was seated on top of Wufei's dresser. His little eyes glew red and he waved at the girls in the doorway. "Why hello there, ladies." He said calmly, sniffing a rose.  
  
Dorothy's jaw dropped. "M-mister Treize!?"  
  
The baby nodded. "That's my name." He winked.  
  
"Get out of that poor baby's body." Hirde demanded, not sounding threatening at all.  
  
Little Treize laughed. "Make meeee!" He pulled his eyelid down and stuck his tongue out at her.  
  
Catherine sighed. "This is gonna be harder than I thought..."  
  
"Anou... I have an idea, minna..."  
  
The girls turned to face Relena. "Well?" Hirde asked.  
  
"Why don't we try to contact another ghost to try and talk some sense into Treize? It's quite obvious that we aren't going to be able to." Relena said.  
  
Dorothy shrugged. "I don't know any dead people that would help us."  
  
"Neither do I..." Relena started. "...but Wufei does."  
  
  
END  
  
  
Aww, I know it's short, but the last part is coming, so hang in there! And Meiran's gonne be in the next fic! WAI! =^_^= Here's a little favor to ask of you guys that read my fics: In a lot of Gundam Wing fanfiction, Trowa affectionately calls Quatre "Little One". If you can find the fic that originated this, I'll write a fic for you! I've always wondered where the hell little one originated from!!! =^_^= So start lookin', minna, then E-mail me if you find out and I'll gladly write you a fic , okay? okay! Jaaaa!  
  
Aaaaah! Part 5!!! The end, I promise! Warnings: Yaoi (1x2x5, 3x4, hints of 13x6), language(?), err... a demon-baby, prevertedness and that's it. =^;^= Don't own Gundam Wing...'tain't mine, just borrowing. =p Enjoy the ficcy minna! Jaaaa!  
  
"Five Pilots and a Baby" PART 5  
by Shinigami Baby  
  
  
"Come on Wufei! Open up!" Catherine hollered.  
  
"Absolutely not! You will NOT bring Nataku into this! Let her REST!" Wufei shouted back, having trouble keeping the door shut all the way.  
  
"You aren't being fair to Duo and Heero!" Dorothy said. "Now help us call Meiran!!!"  
  
"NO!" Wufei hollered back.  
  
A faint chuckle was heard. "Oh little dragon... always so stubborn..."  
  
Wufei gulped. "TREIZE!?"  
  
"I have taken residence in this child's body... muahahahahahaha (sniff) ahh... I just love roses..."  
  
"Dishonorable cur! I demand you exit that innocent's body this instant!"  
  
"Hah! Make me!" Treize taunted.  
  
Wufei only growled in response.  
  
"See why we need you to do this now?" Relena asked.  
  
"Fine, fine... I'll do it!" Wufei opened the door quickly, letting the four girls into the bedroom, then slamming it shut and locking it up once they were in.  
  
"I don't think you guys should call spirits into my house..." Quatre said quietly. "Isn't it kinda wrong?"  
  
"Do you wanna stay in this room forever!?"  
  
"Well no, but-"  
  
"Then don't complain!" Catherine shouted. "Now everyone sit down in a circle."  
  
Afraid to piss Catherine off, everyone listened. They all sat in a circle now, just staring at eachother.  
  
"Now what?" Hirde asked, picking her nose.  
  
"Uhh... we try to call Meiran, I guess." Relena shrugged.  
  
Duo blinked. "So call her already!"  
  
"Calm down, Maxwell..." Dorothy said, pulling some weird old book out from eyebrowspace.  
  
Everyone took a collective moment to shudder. Dorothy, not noticing everyone's disgust, also took the time to pull out candles. "Okay, now we can call Meiran." She said.  
  
"Meeeeiiiiiraaaaaaaaan!" Duo called. Heero tugged on his braid. "Oww! Heero, I was just calling Meiran like she said!"  
  
"That's not how you call the dead, baka!" Heero said harshly. "...you use the phone."  
  
Everyone but Heero facevaulted.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
Trowa shook his head. "Nothing Heero... nothing at all."  
  
"Which is what your head is full of..." Quatre quietly added.  
  
"NANI!?" Heero jumped to his feet and pointed an unseen gun at Quatre. "Omae o Korosu!" Heero proclaimed.  
  
"With what gun, Heero?" Quatre asked plainly.  
  
Heero blinked, then looked down at his hand. Indeed, a gun was missing. "Kuso... I'll get you later on, Winner..."  
  
"Ooooh, I'm terrified!" Quatre teased, clinging to Trowa in mock-horror.  
  
"Oh my GOD!" Catherine shouted over them all. "You're worse than a bunch of GIRLS at a slumber party! When do we do eachothers' haaaaair?"  
  
Duo looked up at her. "Well, we all take turns and-"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Relena shouted.  
  
"HEY!" Wufei put an arm around Duo's waist and pulled him into his lap. "Don't yell at Duo like that!"  
  
Heero only rubbed his hands on Duo's braid and nodded.  
  
Relena stood up. "UGH! What is everyone's facination with Duo anyway?! Why is he sooo great!?"  
  
"Cuz I give really great head?" Duo offered. Heero and Wufei nodded.  
  
"AAAAAAAAGH!!!" Relena covered her ears. "I didn't want to know that!!!"  
  
"But you asked..." Duo said in his defense.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
Everyone turned towards the door. A Chinese girl about 14 stood there in black robes. "You guys want me to help you get rid of a certain Mr. Khushrenada?"  
  
Dorothy nodded.  
  
"Well... okay. But only if Wufei sings!" Meiran teased.  
  
"WHAT? INJUSTICE! I WILL NOT SING!" Wufei shouted.  
  
"Well, you guys are screwed then. Ja." Meiran started to fade.  
  
"Matte! I'll do it! Just don't go! I don't want to stay in this room forever! NATAKUUUUUUU!"  
  
Meiran re-materialized. "Okay, Wuffy. You KNOW what song I want to hear."  
  
Wufei sighed. "Fine." He took a deep breath and began to sing "Makenai" from Sailor Stars. He was quickly laughed at. Meiran was getting a kick out of this. "Okay, I think I sang enough of this weak song. Go get Treize now."  
  
"Fine fine, deal's a deal. I'll do it." Meiran said, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. "Treeeiiiiize..." Meiran called.  
  
"What is it?" The baby asked from behind the door.  
  
"I know it's been fun, but you need to leave now. Would this make Zechs happy? I don't think so."  
  
"That's true..." Treize said quietly. "Fine, I'll go!"  
  
Meiran smiled. "Let's go home then." She looked behind herself. "Bye guys!"  
  
The group waved. There was a flash of light, then she was gone. They all looked at eachother for a minute, then decided to go check on the baby.  
  
Stepping out of the room, Quatre realized something. "Hey! She cleaned my house!"  
  
Duo popped his head in his, Wufei's, and Heero's room. "And there's the baby."  
  
Everyone went into the room. There was baby Treize asleep on the bed. The room had been restored as well.  
  
"Well, our work here is done. Remember guys, call ONLY if it's an emergency, hmm?" Catherine said, heading for the door, followed by the other three girls. "Byyyyye!"   
  
Not two seconds later, there was a knock on the door. Quatre lazily got up to answer it. "Hmmm? Oh Zechs and Noin!"  
  
Duo ran up the stairs and grabbed the baby, handing it quickly to Noin and slamming the door in their faces. Quatre locked the locks and threw the log-barracade-thingy down. The two boys leaned against the door and sighed, both mumbling incoherently.  
  
Trowa walked over and picked Quatre up, slinging him over his shoulder. "We're going to bed. 'Night." Not being one to waste time, Trowa made his way to their bedroom.  
  
Heero, Duo, and Wufei looked at eachother and nodded. They quickly passed out on the floor.  
  
  
END  
  
Blahh it's over! Now I won't have to feel guilty whenever I do new fics. MUAHAHAHA! Jaaaaaa!  
  
~Shinigami Baby 


End file.
